I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
