RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
