my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
PANTIES FOUND
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
