You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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