Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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