kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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