foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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