Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
farters have to be the big spoon...
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
