we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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