R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
