is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
