So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
