So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize