On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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