Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
