I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I have demons in me.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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