Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
