if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
