I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
