Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize