I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
