I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
