i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
