i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize