I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You have to summon your inner elephant
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
