Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Randomize
