I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize