WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
