We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
