i think i have herpe
just one?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
