A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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