god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
