My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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