i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
