that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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