it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
