I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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