I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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