Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Randomize
