If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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