Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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