We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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