nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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