some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
