I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
my shit smells like andre
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
