I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
