Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
