Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize