One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
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