I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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