I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
