Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
