I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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