I just made out with a guy for $7.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
