You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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