guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize