Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
