Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
