i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
