spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
