Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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