it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
