Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
