this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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