You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
