I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
