Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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