i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
