Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize