Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You are the jesus of drinking
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
