it hurts more in the daytime
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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