So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
