The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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