So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
