I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
