Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
