I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
