Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize