Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
