I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
