I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
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