my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
