If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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