OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I wear drunk well.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
