Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
