the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
