Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
