we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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