I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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