Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
